


It always hurts to become.

by melbopo



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Alternate Universe - Sirens, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Getting Together, Meet-Cute, Mention of Death, Mention of abusive Kyle Jordan, Mention of killing evil people, Not Beta Read, Serious and soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-24 14:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16642040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melbopo/pseuds/melbopo
Summary: The moon goddess's call is one that Isabelle always heeds eagerly, as all sirens do. She loves singing the song that is older than time itself, the one that changes its meaning depending on those who hear it.This story is about one of those songs, about the love story of the moon and the sun, and about how it always hurts to become.





	It always hurts to become.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theloverneverleaves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theloverneverleaves/gifts), [ohprongs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohprongs/gifts).



> i combined a couple of amazing ideas that i have gotten from these two amazing people/support systems into this one mash of birthday celebrations!! thank you thank you charl and ali for being such great friends and cheerleaders as I struggled to find my writing voice in fandom - it has meant a lot to me and I hope you enjoy this little gift!!
> 
> (and i think this title is from an andrea gibson poem probs... you should check out their stuff if you ever wanna Feel Things and cry!!!)

Isabelle is having a great time teaching Alec how to use the inner coating of seashells to accent his cheekbones just like Magnus’s scales do. She really wishes they did things like this more often, not just for special occasions, because her stomach hurts from laughter as they examine their faces, flaws and all, from a unusually close angle.

At this point in the process, she simply offers tips to Alec and lets him shape the look all on his own. She’s done it for him before but it’s time he takes agency. And she can tell he loves the immediate transformation to his pale skin, going from potentially a human to _definitely_ other wordly in just minutes.

Suddenly, the moon goddess calls to Isabelle, interrupting her amusing bonding time with her brother. She would pout in disappointment but she has responsibilities and knows that Alec will be leaving soon for his date anyway. Plus, she doesn’t mind heeding the moon goddess’s beckoning for they are her mother _and_ she always enjoys the task.

She bids her brother farewell as she grabs her blanket made of dark green seaweed, making sure to kiss his cheek for a bit of comfort. He always gets nervous before a date with Magnus; regardless of being together for over a century now. Alec says it’s a good kind of nervous though with his stomach fluttering and heart beating faster, it’s also sort of disgustingly cute.

Some days Isabelle wishes she had something like Alec has with Magnus but she also knows she cherishes her relationship with her family way more now than before she became. And that is more than enough to satisfy her wishes for now.

Isabelle strongly kicks her webbed feet together to propel her from the murky, dark water on the bottom of the ocean. She directs herself upwards, towards the warmer water where the sun hangs over head, always a beacon. She breaches the water and continues swimming, following the call to a cluster of dark volcanic rocks that have suddenly appeared in the middle of the ocean.

Once at the largest of the rocks, Isabelle tosses her blanket up. Following her blanket, she pushes herself up, making small cuts in her hands and legs as she crawls across the rough surface. She sits in the middle of the rock and stretches her legs out, grateful for the space to be able to lie down fully, perhaps even starfish if she wanted to. Sometimes the rocks that appear are a quarter of this ones size. That’s usually a sign that she’ll be here for a while. She doesn’t mind at all though, she begins to sing a tune so old that it has no language at all, just sounds that morph to whatever the entranced wants to hear.

As she sings, she runs her hand over her legs, quickly healing the small cuts and scrapes she just sustained as well as transforming the webs out of her feet and hands plus the  gills from her neck. It’s not for _her_ comfort, it’s for the humans’. It’s hard to lure wretched souls no matter how bewitched or maddened they are by her song if they find her to be _too_ inhumane. It weakens the spell slightly and adds a burnt flavor to their soul - Isabelle learned her lesson the hard way.

These days she also knows that she only needs to sing the song three times for it to travel on the wind the whole distance of the ocean that she currently sits in. Any ships carrying evil, hate filled souls will automatically navigate towards her and once the humans are close enough swimming distance to her, they will. It doesn’t matter the weather, the time of day, or who attempts to hold them back. For those that hear her song, they will always come to her one way or another.

The blanket is for the humans’ too. Sometimes Isabelle likes to play with her meal, asking them endless questions about the world above the ocean while they sit entranced by her very essence. They always struggled to focus when she is completely naked so long ago she fastened the blanket to cover herself in their presence before she eats their soul. It also helped eliminate the potential of her meal to sour, going burnt from their realization of the situation they are suddenly in.

Isabelle stretches herself out and down against the rock after finishing her song. The sun feels good on her skin even though she runs cold thanks to the deep waters she lives in. She loves these moments when the sun warms her whole body because they make her feel almost like a human again. Not that she misses being human at all but she does enjoy the reminder of what she once was and how far she’s come.

Isabelle slips in and out of sleep with ears always attuned for the sound of ships within an hour sail to her just in case. She isn’t sure how long she naps before finally deciding to just wake up. She rolls onto her stomach to reach one hand in the water. She plays with the fish that appear at the rock, nibbling at the algae in its cavernous pores. She is sad that no shark has come to join her yet but she doesn’t mind playing with the smaller fish just the same.

Isabelle hums to them a different song entirely, a tune to a song her birth mother used to sing when she was growing up. She was too young to grasp the words but she does remember the story, about how in love the sun and moon are and how they follow each other every day and all around the world to be able to spend their nights together. And sometimes, they even share a fleeting kiss during the day.

It’s one of only a handful of memories Isabelle has from before she became but it’s a warm, comforting one so she doesn’t mind holding on to it.

A sharp bang from one of the rocks in front and to the right of Isabelle immediately catches her attention. She looks up from her fish friends, eyebrows pulled down and head tilted. She knows a human isn’t able to sneak up on her so she wonders if it is one of her siblings, paying her a visit.

The glimmer of something vibrant and beautiful flashes just under the water before disappearing behind the rock. Isabelle grins to herself, sitting up fully now. “You can come out from hiding now. You know I don’t mean any of your little friends here nor you, any harm, Merfolk.”

Tight, tight dark brown curls start to peak around the rock then suddenly a whole face of skin the color of the richest clay that lies deep. deep under many layers of the earth. The Merfolk’s eyes are a wide, warm brown eyes and their mouth is opened slightly. As they move forward, Isabelle can see the scattered orange and purple scales that outline their cheekbones before disappearing down their neck to their gills. She can only imagine how amazing that gradient is on their full tale.

They are absolutely breathtaking.

“Wow. You are one of the most beautiful merfolk I have ever seen before - your colors are so amazing!”

Isabelle is pleased when her compliment brings a blush to their cheeks even though they don’t move closer to her, choosing to remain floating a couple of feet away.

“Thank you…” Their voice is soft, almost shy.

Isabelle leans back down, resting her chin on one forearm that lies down on the rock and uses the other hand to cup around her lips as if to tell this mysterious merfolk a secret. “Just don’t tell Meliorn. They won’t like being dethroned.”

“You know Meliorn?” They perk up, swimming closer at the mention of a familiar name.

“Of course, I know most of your people.”

They blush again. “I don’t know yours though.”

“Oh, did you just become?” They tilt their head at Isabelle’s question. “Are you new to the ocean, to this life, to this world?”

“Ah, yes. I am. My accident was only a couple of years ago.”

“And who found you?”

“Luke?”

Isabelle nods to herself, pieces coming together about the stranger’s face. “He’s so kind and patient, isn’t he? I’m glad he found you and not like Brutus or someone. But Luke does take forever to let his babies out on their own.”

They smile, nodding at the praise of Luke. “Clary said I’m getting out pretty easy with only having to be by his side for four years. She said it took almost two decades for him to let her go.”

“Oh the perils of being another’s first one found.” Isabelle and the stranger share a smile. Their smile is bright and warm smile and reminds Isabelle of the sun.

“I’m Isabelle by the way. I use she/her pronouns, you?” Isabelle doesn’t want to push them away with being nosy but she does want a name at least.

“My pronouns?” They look oddly touched at the simple question.

“And your name if you don’t mind sharing.”

“Sorry, I’m still getting over some of the customs and habits of this world.”

“When you were alive, didn’t the humans share their pronouns?”

“Yes… occasionally... but not nearly often enough.”

“Meliorn told us about it when they became so we’ve just adapted it as common practice since gender is much less rigid in this life - especially amongst merfolk.”

“As it should be.” They extend a hand towards Isabelle, hand titled so the palm is inward and fingers vertical. “My name is Maia and I also use she/her pronouns but sometimes they/them too.”

It’s been a long time since someone offer their hand to Isabelle. She takes Maia’s hand, remembering to be gentle but firm, somehow maintaining a good amount of both opposites. Isabelle also knows she’s supposed to wiggle her hand to complete the gesture of good faith. So she does, realizing a beat too late that she wiggled in the wrong direction of side to side instead of up and down. Her blunder makes Maia laugh, a loud and carefree sound, which is makes up for the embarrassment.

“Sorry, it’s been so long since I was human that I’ve forgotten so much of that life. Our greetings now are a little less… arms length apart.”

Maia swims closer now, their head tilts while they bite down on their bottom lip.

“How old _are_ you? Can we really live for so long that we forget our time when human?” Maia doesn’t sound scared which soothes Isabelle, she doesn’t know if she could help Maia if maybe they wanted to try to become human again or if they were disgusted with this new world. “Sorry if that’s rude, I’m just so curious and haven’t asked anyone yet.”

“It’s not rude to me - I don’t mind your questions.” Isabelle lets her eyes skirt over every inch of Maia’s face. Isabelle really did mean it when she said that Maia is one of the most beautiful merfolk she’s ever seen. They skin glows from the sun and ocean mist as well as a bit of otherworldly that all merfolks have and a bit that is seems just unique to Maia. Their hair when it covers the sun, looks like a crown made by the sun goddess themselves. “I’m curious about you too.”

Maia huffs out a laugh, though another blush rises in their cheeks, maybe from Isabelle’s glance. “Yeah but I haven’t met anyone like you before, I don’t even know what you are, but you’ve met dozens of people like me, other merfolk.”

“But those other merfolk weren’t _you_.” Isabelle clarifies. She feels its important for Maia to know that each of them has their own uniqueness, not just in their scale colors but in their process to get _here_. She wants Maia to know they too are truly special, not just in the eyes of the moon goddess, who wouldn’t have chosen them otherwise, but to Isabelle too. The smile that spreads across Maia’s face is warm and soft, their cheeks becoming that soft pink color again.

“Plus I’ve had over a century and a half in this life as a siren of the sea so I’ve had time to meet others. You will too.” Isabelle makes sure her grin is reassuring and kind, remembering from when she met a recently become Simon that the concept of age can be jarring for those that are still new.

Maia’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, they whisper under their breath to themselves, “Wow. A 150 year old siren.”

Isabelle nods, “But I still look the age I did when I left the human world, or died if that’s easier to grasp. So will you. No children of the moon goddess age unless they specifically ask to.”

Maia looks down at their hands, running them over each other and up their arms as if realizing now that this is the body they’ll have for as long as they like. if they so choose. Isabelle sees scars and marks on their skin, perhaps from incidents when they were human. Over time, if they choose to leave behind the memories associated with those marks, they too will fade from their skin.

“And my age isn’t why I’ve forgotten about my life as a human, I chose to forget and so I did.” Maia looks back up to Isabelle now. “I still maintain a couple of memories from that period that are important to me, like times with my mother or the first time my father taught me to stitch a wound or how I became. But mostly everything else faded in relevance to me over time. You’ll have that choice too.”

Maia bits their lip again and direct their gaze upwards to the cloudless blue sky above. They nod their head to themselves. Isabelle realizes this must be their concentration face as they absorb all this new information, it’s a good look on them. She can tell that they are inquisitive just like her.

Maia redirects their gaze to Isabelle, a small smile on their lips, “Honestly, what I miss most about being human is the food.”

Isabelle laughs at that, understanding the almost homesick tie to land and its different types of nourishment. Plus, while sirens just eat the souls of wicked humans, mermaids have an entirely plant based diet since being able to communicate with fish makes it hard to eat them. “Anything specific or are you already tired of seaweed salads?”

Maia laughs, “I actually love our food, _especially_ the seaweed salads.” They rest their forearm on the rock, just a couple of inches below Isabelle’s, already feeling more comfortable. They rest their chin on their forearm, mirroring Isabelle’s pose as they look up at her. “I really miss chocolate though.”

“Oh Magnus brought us some chocolate to try! It’s so much different than Magnus, my brother, and I had tasted before - very sweet and very good. Sometimes we find those sorts of things in wrecks or sinking ships or just the trash the humans dump in the ocean, if I find chocolate, I’ll be sure to share with you.”

“Thank you.” Maia grins brightly, once again thoughts of the sun flood Isabelle's mind. “You know Magnus too? Are you sure you don’t know all the merfolk?”

“I probably have met most all sea beings in this ocean and some from other oceans but not _all_. The more time that passes, the more you realize how small the ocean really is. It’s comforting that way.” Maia doesn’t look like they believe her with eyebrows pulled together but they nod anyway. “Magnus is probably one of the merfolk that I know the best though. He’s my brother’s boyfriend or partner or soulmate or whatever they’re calling it this decade.”

“You have a brother too?”

“I actually have two brothers. Well we aren’t really siblings in the biological sense beyond the fact that the moon goddess gave us all new life to become. We just prefer to not live in the coldest, darkest depths of the ocean with the other sirens but the ledge above it so we’re really close. We actually found each other when we first became sirens and supported each other for a couple of decades before we met any others.”

“Oh.” Maia once again bites their lip as they take in this information and Isabelle once again fails to not find it very cute.

“Now, I have a question for you.”

Maia raises their eyebrows to Isabelle, silently telling her to continue.

“How did you become?”

“Become?” Maia repeats slowly.

“Become a merfolk. Magnus and I are doing a little experiment about how the moon goddess decides what being we should be, how to make us who we are, like a merfolk or a siren.” Maia’s eyes lose a bit of focus, looking as if they back in that memory. “You don’t have to tell me if you aren’t comfortable or ready.”

Suddenly Maia shakes their head, tossing their tight curls around and shaking what remains of ocean water on Isabelle. Their eyes focus again, like her voice reminded Maia to come back from that memory. Their eyes look to the rock, fingers tracing over the porous material. “No, I don’t mind telling you. I just had forgotten about it myself. I haven’t talked about it with anyone so I thought maybe I would forgot that terrible experience.”

Isabelle swallows, knowing what Maia means. The memories of what happened _before_ one becomes are never pleasant ones. “The moon goddess does not let us forget from where we became. It’ll be a memory that no matter how much time has passed, you will never forget.” Isabelle reaches for Maia’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly in hers. “It is always a painful memory that allowed us to become, you are not alone.”

Maia gives a small smile at their clasped hands but that is the only acknowledgement they make of Isabelle’s words.

A calm, quiet passes over them with only the ocean making any noise in the background. After a couple of minutes, Isabelle fears that instead of giving Maia space, she is pressuring them to share something they are not yet ready to share. Maia’s pulse feels steady in her hand though, not fast and scared. As if sensing her turmoil to break the silence, they squeeze her hand back and start to talk.

“I… I was on a small cruise ship with my boyfriend for our anniversary and we got into this awful fight when I told him that I had been accepted into my dream university for grad school. He… He said that wasn’t part of the plan, of _our_ plan, which hurt me so much that I said that maybe he shouldn’t be part of my plan. Then… then he shoved me and I fell overboard.”

Isabelle squeezes Maia’s hand in the quiet that follows a confession of that weight, giving them reassurance that she is listening, that she understands this is hard. Maia looks up, eyes shining with unshed tears and a grateful smile on their lips. “Next thing I know, Luke is waking me up from a coral reef in the bottom of the ocean and suddenly I’m a merfolk.”

Isabelle knows she doesn't have to share her own experience, but she really did mean it when she told Maia they aren't alone. “I was thrown overboard. For being _too_ tempting to the crew.” Isabelle still cant help but huff out a laugh at that. “Despite the fact that I was the best and most qualified medic on that ship once my father disappeared." Isabelle shrugs like that's just how life goes sometimes. "And now I’m a siren who sings to lure those with tempted, wicked hearts to kiss me and bring upon them death.”

"Poetic justice," Maia chuckles. “Perhaps a difference between our beings is that you call ships towards you, while I hide from them.”

That puzzles Isabelle, “Why are you scared of the ships?”

Maia’s cheeks darken with a deep blush, they glance down and avoid Isabelle’s eye contact. “I’m afraid my ex will be on one of them and he’ll recognize me and try something reckless.”

Isabelle squeezes Maia’s hand that is still in hers even tighter, causing Maia to look up at her in surprise. Isabelle knows her eyes are probably pale blue from the anger coiling inside of her. “If you ever see that ship or your ex again, let me know and I will eliminate any reason you have to be scared of ships.” Maia’s expression stays surprised but they nod their head in understanding so she loosens her grip slightly. “The ocean is your home now and you should never fear anything in these waters, they should fear _you_.”

“Thank you- for answering my questions and for the reassurance.” Maia’s voice is steady and genuine, Isabelle knows that she said the right thing and perhaps just what they needed to hear. Isabelle knows it's a sentiment that all of the moon goddess’s children share: they are fiercely loyal and protective. “I’ve been mostly learning about the merfolk way of life these past couple of years so I haven’t actually been able to talk about _what_ happened and what exactly that means. So thank you, I truly appreciate it.”

Isabelle smiles back just as warmly. She fights back a strong fluttering in her stomach, a desire to reach out and cusp Maia’s cheek, to gently touch their scales and place a gentle kiss there as she has seen others do as a sign of affection. There is just something about Maia that calls to a deep piece inside of Isabelle. Talking with them and learning about them fills Isabelle with not only warmth like being in the presence of the sun but protectiveness and ease.

After hearing Maia’s story, Isabelle knows there is nothing she wouldn’t do to help them be their best and safest self. And Isabelle has a feeling they are going to adjust to merfolk life perfectly. She’s looking forward to watching them truly come in their own. Mostly, it’s refreshing to feel so strongly about someone, about meeting them for the first time, and feeling that rightness click into place.

Simon was the last person Isabelle felt that sort of click with, which already was nearly half a century ago. But this feels a little different too. A good different though, one that feels like it is on the tip of her tongue but not yet identifiable. Isabelle pushes it to the back of her mind for now, looking forward to unraveling it as they spend more time together which she is sure they will.

“So you’re just waiting here and hoping that this way a wicked soul comes?” Maia asks with a teasing tilt in their tone.

Isabelle rolls her eyes. “I’m not hoping, I _know_. The moon goddess calls to us when they know there is an opportunity, like a ship traveling in our waters, to enchant the _wicked_.”

“Only the mean, evil spirited people can hear you sing?” Maia’s voice is hesitant, gaze back on their still clasped hands. Isabelle hadn’t even thought to let go yet.

Isabelle shakes her head from shoulder to shoulder slowly, the movement jostling Maia a little too and causing them to look up again. “No, not _only_. Our true love is supposed to be able to hear us too. That’s how Alec met Magnus actually. Magnus heard the sound of something warm and comforting, calling to him. He followed the noise for hours, from one ocean to another, until he found the source: Alec. The rest is history for them.”

Isabelle shrugs her shoulder that isn’t attached to the arm that is holding Maia’s hand, “That’s what they say at least. I haven’t met any other siren whose song found them their soulmate but perhaps not all of us have one -which is fine with me. I know I’ll be perfectly happy with them as I am without them.” Isabelle squints at Maia, tilting her head to the side. She realizes she doesn't know if other beings have traditions or myths about soulmates. “What about merfolk? Do you have your own stories about true love and soulmates?”

“What about me?”

“What?” Isabelle pulls her eyebrows together, confused about how Maia’s question ties in with all of this. Do they mean what about their own views on the topic?

“Could I be your soulmate?” Maia’s question sounds hesitant and uncertain but holds so much weight that it nearly tilts Isabelle’s world completely off off its axis.

“Did you… did you hear my song?” Isabelle’s eyes are wide and her grip tight on Maia’s hand, the whole ocean- no, the whole world narrowed down to just this small space between them.

“Your song is how I found you… I followed the sound of someone calling me all the way here... all the way to you. The sound was filled with hope and the future and everything that could be.” Maia’s smile grows and so does the strength in their voice. “I thought I was losing my mind when I finally came to you, the most beautiful being I’ve ever seen, singing a similarly tuned song in a language I did not understand, lying naked on a rock in the middle of the ocean.”

Isabelle doesn’t think that her smile could get any bigger, anticipation is growing in her chest from every word that falls from Maia’s beautiful mouth. She sits a little bit up to give herself space to sing fully, wanting to really make sure they heard _the_ song and not just the song from her childhood memories.

Isabelle begins to sing the tune that is older than time itself, cloaked in a language that is no longer spoken but can still be understood. She watches, enraptured as Maia closes their eyes, swaying their head back and forth to the tune with a small smile on their lips. Her heart swells at the lovely sight in front of her.

Isabelle only sings it once this time and Maia opens their eyes as she trails off. Isabelle leans back down close, inches away from their face. “What do you hear?”

“I hear a love story of the sun and the moon… I hear… I hear myself being called home… home to you.”

All apprehension that remained in Isabelle’s chest evaporates at those words, feeling both heard and seen at the same time. She reaches out now, no longer holder herself back, cupping Maia’s cheek in her free hand, rubbing her thumb gently, oh so gently, against the colorful scales that start at the edge of their cheek.

Maia tilts their head into the gesture, a warm smile on their lips, and everything slots into place in Isabelle. She whispers, “I thought I felt something different about you but I just couldn’t put my finger on it and I didn’t want to read too much into it to falsely raise my hopes. But it _is_ you.”

Isabelle leans as forward as she can, her lips just barely brushing the scales on Maia’s other cheek. They let out a low sigh of relief that Isabelle feels in her body too. She knows they still have so much to talk about together, to learn about each other, to understand, but she gets it in a way, what Maia meant when they explained what the song sounded like to them.

Isabelle quickly thanks the moon goddess for their help in bringing Maia to her, for helping her feel truly at home.

**Author's Note:**

> I love this concept and I thought about it for months before finally writing it.  
> And yes. I know how the moon goddess decides.  
> And no. I don't know how expansive the creatures are, the ocean is a pretty big place, isn't it?
> 
> i know i've been saying this with every fic i post BUT i'm seriously so grateful to have so much support in my life for my writing and i just hope that i give out even a tenth of what i've received. y'all are gems


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